Do you look good naked?
We sent a panel of our busty babes to put a range of “surgery-free” “banger-enhancers” through their paces in a vigorous day’s dancing. Here’s what our beautiful madonnas thought:
1st Class - The Classic Balloon Option
Our mid priced option due to high usage of material. Over a season, around 50p per breast.
We Liked: A massive range of sizes achievable.
They don’t move around once wedged into clothing.
We Dislike: They burst regularly during thrusting movements causing embarrassing noises and release of gas.
We got through loads of balloons, wasteful and expensive.
Kitwitch Score - 9/10
2nd Class - Knitted Breasts
Our cheapest option using fully recycled materials at around 5p per breast.
Follow this link to find the knitting pattern to “knit your own breasts”, courtesy of the “Lactation Consultants of Great Britain”.
We Liked: A “Green” option - positive recycling in action.
We Disliked: Minimal Cleavage
Maximum of a D-Cup achievable
They moved during particularly vigorous action.
Time consuming to make and store, although we have found an Ebay supplier of varying cup-sizes to combat this.
Kitwitch Score - 6/10
3rd Class - The Inflatable Chest
Our most expensive option. Initial outlay around £5 per breast.
We Liked: Very stable whilst dancing.
We Dislike: No ability to change size according to mood.
Looked far too classy.
Gave us a sweaty cleavage.
Kitwitch Score - 5/10
4th Class - Bouncy Bosoms
Our second most expensive option. Initial outlay around £3 per breast.
A lovely feel when squeezed in the middle of a dance, but have the annoying habit of escaping whenever possible and rolling across the street.
Can be stepped on and will not burst or deform, easy to transport
Far too small to be effective, so need to fill your bra with the standard balloon or padding in addition.
Get very grubby quickly, especially when used as footballs.
Can only achieve an A cup so no good for Kitwitching.
Kitwitch Score - 2/10